Dear closet

What the hell is all this stuff and why is it here? At first glance, there are rows of clothes neatly hung with shoes lined up on the floor and that one corner that always seems to attract random things that can’t seem to find a place of their own. But then there’s the secret spaces.

I’m not mad, but seriously, are there trap doors, fake walls or portals to other dimensions? How is it that more stuff comes out than I ever remember putting away? And what’s with the random disappearances? Don’t even think of blaming the dryer for missing shoes or vanished sweaters.

We’ve made adjustments through the years and benignly ignored what we both know is a problem. Things have been okay and under control. But I want more. And by that I really mean I want better. I know it’s hard to hear, but we both knew this day was coming.

So it’s goodbye to everything I don’t wear, no longer want to wear, or really just shouldn’t wear. I’m also tossing the random things that never get used (seriously, no one needs a junk drawer… it’s junk). As a compromise and to help lessen the blow, I won’t demand that you relinquish all the items you’ve hidden God knows where. You can keep those.

Rather than draw this out, I say we just rip the bandaid. Brace yourself, because this is happening this weekend. I hope we can remain friends.


P.S. Please don’t eat my shoes.



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